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Four States: Chapter Thirty One – When a State Holds It’s Breath
January 2006 The first week of January felt like one long exhale we never quite finished. The days were short, the sky a dull sheet of gray, and life on the farm moved along in that slow, practical rhythm winter demands—hauling feed, stacking wood, keeping an eye on the weather like it was another neighbor…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Two – The Gun Brandishing Trial
January 10, 2006 The Walk Into the Courthouse The morning of the trial carried the kind of heaviness you feel in your bones. We arrived early, stepping into the courthouse like people bracing for a storm they couldn’t stop. A friend from our small group church came along—quiet support in a room where everything felt…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Three – My Father’s Hands
Mid January 2006 In the days after the trial, Dad slipped into a quiet, distracted heaviness I had never seen in him before. Normally he was outgoing, engaging, the kind of man who walked into a room with a smile on his face. But now he drifted through the farm in a solemn, introspective haze.…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Four – The All Seeing Eye
“When the thousand years are over, Satan will be released from his prison and will go out and deceive the nations in the four corners of the earth…” Revelation 20:7-8 January 2006 – March 2006 That verse from Revelation—Satan released from his prison to roam and deceive—kept circling in my mind after the trial. I…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Five – The Post Office Fight
Summer 1989 I’m back in the garage on Gargasz Drive. The brown Cape Cod I called home until my freshman year of high school, the one with the garage tucked along the south side of the house. It’s eighth grade again, and I’m barely 110 pounds soaking wet. My dad stands in front of me…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Six – The Blue Field and the Little Superman
March 2006 – April 2006 Spring break arrived, and even though I had been looking forward to visiting my brother and his wife in Boise, a part of me hesitated. The post office fight had only happened a week earlier, and I felt an uneasy responsibility to stay close to my parents—just in case something…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Seven – Arson and Family Visits
April 2006 It was the middle of April, one of those in-between seasons when the days felt warm enough to make you hopeful but the nights still carried a winter bite. I woke to my dad shaking me gently, his voice low but urgent. I followed him toward the master bedroom, noticing a red flicker…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Eight – Spring Laughter
April 2006 Spring of 2006 arrived gently, as if the farm itself was trying to soothe us. After the chaos of winter—the pulp wood fire, the poisoned ducks, the constant tension with Dale—we were worn thin, but not defeated. What held us together were the small routines, the spiritual rhythms that shaped each day with…
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Four States: Chapter Thirty Nine – Our Last Week Together
May 2006 May began with rain—relentless, saturating rain that seemed determined to seep into every part of the farm. The ground was so waterlogged that mud puddles replaced whole patches of grass. Even the alpacas were irritated. We let them out to graze along the hillside, and they bunched together, annoyed, lifting their feet like…
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Four States: Chapter Forty – The Shooting
This chapter includes graphic depictions of gun violence and traumatic loss. If this type of content is triggering or painful for you, consider whether you wish to continue at this time. May 16, 2006 I woke up around 6:30 a.m., groggy but ready for the day. The house was quiet except for the soft tick…